Tuesday, June 7, 2016

but you have not failed me

I prayed: God, save me.
I don't know that I have ever prayed that prayer before.
I'm sure I have. I must have. I must have, right?

How could I have lived so long, and never once asked Him to save me?

But I'm not sure I have.
I have often said:
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.
Oh Lord, hear my plea.

But it was always My Plea
and My Voice
and Me me me me me

I would ask for help,
and guidance,
and petition for grace,
or understanding,
or assistance.

I would seek mercy
or comfort,
I would seek correction,
or love.

But never did I ask once, not once
for salvation.

Finally, I gave up.
My own efforts bringing me to
nowhere but dead ends
and cul-de-sacs of ego.
I said: this little stony heart
cannot change,
will not stop beating her willful way

You must save it.
For I cannot.

And He did.
For the Almighty has done great things for us,
and Holy is His name.
And even when we are too fleshy and embarrassed
to Do the Right Thing,
we are saved.

We have not merited it,
I have not even earned it.
I certainly do not deserve it.
I simply asked for it.

I feel foolish for not saving myself.
and silly for lacking the strength to
forge myself into goodness.
And yet how sweet it is
to be saved in spite of self.

When life and death are set before us,
and we cannot bring ourselves to choose,
life can be given to us.

How sweet grace is,
to reach into the narrative
and change what we think is done,
To break what we think is set,
to crack what we think is
impenetrable stone.

That miracle of grace is timshel,
to show us that
the story can go another way.

No comments:

Post a Comment