Tuesday, January 15, 2013

my charms are all o'erthrown

Early morning dark is different than twilight dark.
Twilight dark is violescent: everything moves towards the deep violet of night.
Early morning darkness is slowly turning into light.
In the darkness of early morning, a city reveals its secrets.

As I ran, my feet pounding on the flagstones,
I heard the heartbeat of the city, like a drum, rise up to meet my feet.
The perpetual thud, thud, thud of feet upon the ground matched the hushed but hurried buzz of a city waking up.
A heartbeat is something so intimate.
Feel someone's heartbeat, and you begin to see their heart.
See their heart, and you begin to fall in love.


Thou bearest me along / Through sights I scarce can bear--John Keats 

I walked through the park, and ducked as a pigeon flew right at my nose.
That pigeon was probably a fighter pilot in a former life.

But I stopped to take pictures of swans, because they were gliding docilely on the smooth winter water.  As they floated back and forth, soaking up the attention, I admired their gentle, arrogant beauty. 
Then I looked up.

And I saw, far over the glassy water of St. James' pond, the City.
Misty, shrouded in beauty, ethereal, London was transformed into a fairytale city high up in the clouds.
And that was the moment I gave up the fight.
London won my heart.

Whenever you grow into loving someone, there comes that moment of grace, of a bridge-burning grace, where you admit defeat.
You have to surrender to the beauty of the other.
You realize that, without your knowledge even, they have found their way into your heart.
You realize this, because when you look at your own heart, you found that it has changed a bit. It has the mark of the beloved on it.
So you sigh.
Maybe cry a bit.
And then smile a lot.
Because there's something so gently and comfortingly terrifying about being shaped in unexpected ways by unexpected beauties.

1 comment:

  1. Please don't listen to Alphonso. I know I haven't. Don't lose this wonder and awe at what is truly a beautiful city.