Friday, January 4, 2013

leave it in love's hands

Well it amazes me // Oh how my world turned around
--Tina Arena, Love's Funny that Way

Last night, I sat laughing at a table with two dear friends, with pizza in between us.
And I was in awe at how much all three of us had grown and adventured forth into the wide, wide world in four short years.

This morning, I sat laughing and sighing and talking too fast with another dear friend--a little sister of the heart, who is just beginning a thousand and one other great adventures.
I remembered exactly how that felt.
Because I'm still feeling that--still on so many adventures, still sorting out who I am becoming, still trying to sort out the differences between liking and loving; between hoping and grasping; between receiving and giving.

In Spindle's End, one of my favorite little tales, a young fairy woman is frustrated that she doesn't seem to have her life or her self under control like her serene, imperturbable  and ever-gracious Aunt. Saddled with a gift almost too great for her young mind to bear, this young woman yearns for the day that everything will be sorted out. That her life will fall piece-by-glorious-piece into place and she will be settled. She will know which way is up and which way is down, and life will flow steadily down its course.
Aunt gently tells her:
 "I'm sorry to tell you this, but where your magic lives will always be a great dark space with scraps you fumble for. You must learn to sniff them out in the dark."

You must learn to sniff them out in the dark.
This is one of the Myths of Growing Up: that one day the adventure sort of settles down, fades into the coda of happily ever after. That at one point, you know exactly which way is up, and which way is down. You know indubitably who you are. You know exactly where you're supposed to be going and precisely what you're supposed to be doing.
But if we would only give the mystery of ourselves some credit, we realize that the adventure never ends. That we're always diving into the dark mystery of unkowning that surrounds our lives, and our selves. Thankfully, we have a bit of light. In the darkness, we find the flame of love burning bright.

That flame that gently guides us home.
We're not alone in the dark. Just like the magi, we're guided by stars, signs, and signals.
Like they were for the magi, the signals are signposts that beckon us down the road to further adventures on the road.
Where we will one day find rest from our adventures in the greatest adventure yet--the adventure of Homecoming.

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