Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Heloise is working just fine now

I like roller coasters. 
I like being tossed around, being pulled up and down and round about, barreling down tracks at break-neck speed. I love that adrenaline rush of being completely out-of-control.
And I love knowing that inside of me is a core of stillness that simply moving up and down in a metal car is never going to shake.

I like summer storms--oh gosh, I love summer storms. I love tempests and tornadoes and wind knocking over trees.
I love storms. 
And I love being inside when a storm hits, safe and snug as the wind and rain rage outside. The weather beats upon the roof of your shelter.
But you are safe and warm.
One summer, I watched from inside a park shelter as a river of water flooded over the steps next to the window. I remember the sheer volume and power of the water running over those stairs. I watched it with wide eyes, just a few feet away, perfectly safe and dry.

I like storms, as long as I know they won't harm me.

I do not like internal storms.
I do not like interior turmoil and strife. When I am not at peace, when I am not living in the normal idyllic state of Joy, I am unsettled.
And I don't like that.
When the roller coaster is inside me rather than around me, when the storm is interior as well as exterior--that frightens me.
I don't like to think of myself as a roller coaster--it's terrifying to feel unstable, on the edge and jolting up and down.
Last week, about this time, I found myself riding a roller coaster of ups and downs, and it was unpleasant. Very. Not knowing which way your emotions will tend, seeing the exhaustion and stress rising to a breaking point and fearing that critical mass will occur at any moment makes for an exhausting existence.

This week, as I dove into yet another week of busy gadding about and checking off tasks, I was afraid that the storm which had subsided would arise again. I dreaded it.
Then I found the grace to laugh at my worries.

Heart be still!, as the poet says, have faith in the One whom even the wind and the sea obey. If He is capable of calming the storm that engulfs us on all sides is He not also more than capable of calming the storm of our hearts and minds?
What storm then, interior or exterior, can prevail?

No comments:

Post a Comment