Wednesday, May 9, 2012

How I Met Your Relationship Guru

Over Christmas Break, I watched all of How I Met Your Mother. I was a dedicated watcher. I plowed through six and a half episodes of a dating advice show.
And along the way, I gained several bits of practical dating wisdom:

"We will be 'what is up, New York'"--Barney

How To Be a Fun and Flirty Single
-SUIT UP! A suit shows difference, uniqueness
-Never leave the house in sweats. One must always be prepared to meet a dashing stranger or old enemy.
-Learn about the Cheerleader Effect. Use it to your advantage and don't let it take advantage of you.
-Don't be a "woo" girl ("Woo"-ing loudly to attract attention when anything the least bit exciting happens.)
-Flirting basics: light contact, hair-flipping
- Beware the hot-crazy scale. (How much does outer beauty compensate for inner neurosis?)
-Beware of Revertigo (i.e, the phenomenon in which, when you see people from your past, you start acting like you did when you were around them.) And beware of its affect on your behavior and others' perception of your behavior.
-Find your own special hangover remedy. Everyone has their own. [Ted=gravy. Lily=_greasy_tuna melt and milkshake]
-Avoid hanging out with married couples all the time.
-Men, stick to the Bro-Code.
-Don't be desperate. Don't settle. (See Mermaid Theory)

How to Go About Going On a Date.
-3 days rule: "The three days rule is stupid. I propose a new rule, the 'you like her, you call her' rule."--Ted
-nohing good happens after 2am
-To win a hard-to-get woman, take her on a Super Date
-never ask someone to an event farther than you've been dating
-"If I don't shave, i must behave"
-casual doesn't work. It just doesn't.
-Say no when you want to say no. You owe no one a date.

-Beware of cougars, jerknails (overly perfect fingernails), crazy eyes, 
-Watch out for that: oh moment/dealbreaker

-"Lemon Law"": Barney's lemon law for dating gives a person five minutes to decide if the date will go on for the rest of the night or not. They can call the date off for any reason in the first five minutes, avoiding bad dates. Robin contends that it takes two people longer to know each other than five minutes. Studies show
-Platinum Rule: never ever love-love thy neighbor (or doctor, colleague, client, or person you interact with regularly in everyday life.) Because, the Platinum Rule dictates the relationship will inevitably fall out in these steps:
5)the tipping point
-Try out the Front Porch test. As in, you can envision yourselves together happily on your mundane little front porch with friends thirty years down the road.

"Dude, lots of chicks think that architects are hot. Think about that, you create something out of nothing. You're like God. There is no one hotter than God."--Barney
"I love it when you quote scripture."--Ted

How to Have a Relationship.
-couple-y little things are important.
-Avoid annoying your friends! Don't embrace New Relationship Smugness.
-Guys who can cook are sexy. Men, embrace the kitchen.
-Communication is key.
-If problems arise, stage an intervention!
-Respect each other's privacy 
-"i love to be the person you bitch to"

"When I feel sad, I stop being sad and start being Awesome."--Barney
-don't break up over the phone
-or on a girl's birthday
-or on a girl's answering machine
-break-ups: There are always winners and losers.
-don't fall prey to graduation goggles.
-moping, while natural, won't solve a breakup
-the only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time.
-There are only four reasons to get lunch with an ex: 1. They want to get back together. 2. They want to kill you. 3. They want to give you back something. 4. They want to prove how much better off they are than you.

-hanging out with exes leads to trouble.

Hope for the Singles.
-everyone's pumpkin is out there

And most important bit of wisdom I came away with:

Don't seriously commit to relationship advice from a TV show. Dating advice from pieces of fiction should be kept in the fun-and-flirty friend zone.

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