Monday, November 7, 2011

they'll bark at our shadows

Over the past two nights, I've averaged 2.5 hours of sleep each night.


Today was actually not as bad as I expected. I overslept my first class (whoops), but that gave me time to shower (like a real person), put on a cute sweater and high heels, and actually prepare for my day. And I functioned fairly normally.

Until 3:00 pm seminar rolled around, and everything became really, really, really, hopelessly funny. We made a Land Before Time reference in relation to Augustine's Confessions. #totalPLSmove

Last year, my sleeplessness was almost a point of pride.

I could stay up until 2 am and then wake up at 8:30 am and function like a normal, happy healthy human being.

Theory A: I think I used to have super powers.

Theory B: I used to be younger. That was back long long ago when I was a teenager.

But I promise (scout's honor, Mom) that I've lost all sense of pride in the the fact that I don't sleep.

Screw pride. I want sleep.

Pride doesn't get you through the day without three cups of coffee.

Pride doesn't leave you feeling fresh as daisy and new as a baby bird right out of the shell.

Pride doesn't give you that delightful, delicious sensation that falling asleep brings.

And It's definitely not as soft and cozy as a pillow and a comforter.

Now the lack of sleep makes my heart cry out in protest.

My body begs for sleep. But my soul groans under the burden of homework.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. So weak.

And so sleepy (mostly sleepy).

Have you ever looked at a pile of books at 10:00 pm and realized you had to read them all before 9:30 the next morning?

It's not a happy experience.

Your heart sinks into your stomach, tears form in your eyes and you start to crave Nutella

(God bless you, Nutella. God bless you. I think my roommate and I have gone through two large Costoco 26.5 oz jars this semester and at least five 13 oz jars. And when I say "my roommate and I" I mean mostly me.

But it's so beautiful.

It is my one constant joy in a world full of insomniac pain.

So chocolatey.

So smooth, sensuous, and sweet.

It fills your mouth with pure euphoria.

And then you get a wicked stomach ache the next morning, which complements your caffeine-hangover headache and dark circles under your eyes perfectly.)

All that stands between me and sleep is a paper. One paper. One page of one paper. I can do this. And you know why? Because on the other side of this paper is sleep.

The best feeling in the whole wide world is when you're puttering around your room, straightening a bit, cleaning a bit, brushing your teeth, and getting ready for bed. Because you know that in just a few short, sweet minutes, you will be sleeping.


And absolutely nothing can stop you.

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