Friday, September 23, 2011

Total B.A.

My major may prepare me for nothing more than to be an intellectual starving artist. You know, the really annoying kind that's always making obscure platonic jokes about universals, Forms, and pre-socratic sophists.

"Ever try having a "define the relationship" talk with a socratic?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh wait. No one else is laughing.
That awkward moment when you realize that each language has untranslatable words in its lexicon, and apparently your jokes are just as universal. Welcome to my life.

However, there is one thing I know for certain.
A) If speedwalking while drinking coffee ever becomes an Olympic sport, I will dominate.
I will. Mark my words.
I will be the international champion. I'm talking gold medals across the board. Don't even. If you feel like contesting that statement, consider this blog post your challenge.
This plan comforts me. I will not be relegated to the ironic-yet-economocially challenging position of starving-artist-hobo-bohemian-friend.
How to get speedwalking-coffee-drinking to become an Olympic sport:
To make it onto the Olympic programme, a sport first has to be recognised: it must be administered by an International Federation which ensures that the sport's activities follow the Olympic Charter. If it is widely practised around the world and meets a number of criteria established by the IOC session, a recognised sport may be added to the Olympic programme.
(From the official website of the Olympic games. I decided I should research how to create an Olympic sport rather than work on French homework.)

B) Being a PLS major will get me free coffee and tea. How do I know this?
This. Just. In:
As of today we have a Keurig coffee/tea/hot beverage maker in the PLS office.
Pardon me while I die of happiness.
This is what college is all about, peeps.
Sign up for our major, get some free food!
All in all, today's been good to me.
To recap:
A) Back-up plan for my life: Become an Olympic Coffee-drinker/Speedwalker. Achieve fame and riches. Check
B) Free coffee for PLS majors. This may or may not seriously impair my ability to critique the program impartially.

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