Sunday, August 28, 2011

semester of being a normal person

Oh, hi.
It's you.
Know what's awkward?
I've been avoiding you all week/weekend.

Don't make this weird, 'kay? Let's just pretend that we haven't ever been separated, that summer never happened, and let's be all chummy like we were last year, and all will be well.
Student Me is back in action, leaving my Thespian-Edition-of-Self behind for several months. Now's the chance to be a regular human being.
And I'm taking it.

Being a real person is new for me, and consequently rather intimidating. So I broke it down for myself in a few short easy steps.
Here's my quick and easy method for becoming a sane human being:

Step 1: Sit in your room. Just sit. And maybe do homework or talk to your roomies. The key thing is to actually sit down on your bottom instead of running all around the room like a thing possessed. Look around you. Notice something you haven't noticed before. You may be surprised by what you see. (That's a nice poster...where'd it come from? Wait... was that futon there yesterday? AH, is that a peacock on my roomie's bed!? What the fudgecrackers...?) Just sit and don't get up for at least ten minutes. If you can do this, you know you're becoming a normal girl.

Step 2: Do your homework. Just buckle down and do it. It may take you till 5:30 in the morning, and you may have to shamefully relinquish all your self-respect and drink a 5-hour energy. It's painful, but if you can get your homework done, you're halfway to normalcy. Congrats.

Step 3: Buy the mirror you've been saying you'd buy for two weeks now. As in actually go to the store and purchase it. Big steps, I know, but just try it. Don't have time during the day? Meijers is open 24-7 for a reason, my peeps. Bring friends, buy clearance bakery goods, and make a party out of it. That's what normal people do.

Step 4: Unpack your clothes and clean your room. Noooo, this one hasn't happened quite yet. Once I do this, though, I'll actually be a real human being.
Check back in another two months. My laundry may have gotten done by then.

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