Monday, May 2, 2011

Dizzy Strife of Things

I discovered this snippet of a poem by M.L. Harkins in the back of a prayer book around early March. I discovered it at exactly the right time. I had questions, and God was being stubborn and not giving me answers. Which was fine, and I was cool with that, but I just thought:

"Dear God,
I love you. But SERIOUSLY, how am I supposed to move forward if I don't know where I'm going?!?!? Finna help? Kthanksbye.
Love, Renee"

And then I read this poem. The enchanting image that this poem presents of a man standing at the gate of a year delights the cockles of my soul. How charming to think of a year as an event that we enter into, and there's a mysterious-yet kindly-man guarding the gate. Each year brings new adventures and new surprises.

I realized that this whole past year has been full of stepping out into the unknown. The unknown of freshman year of college, the unknown of new friends, of new loves, the unknown of growing up and running out into the frighteningly real world.
The unknown can be terrifying, dangerous, and dark. And yet always, always, everything beautiful comes when I let go of my fear and put my hand into the hand of God. And I think how boring and poor life would be if I only took the known way.

At the beginning of the school year-as I stood at the gate of this year- my parents wrote me two letters. At the time, they were sweet, and I was grateful for them. But then I revisited them at the beginning of this semester, and I was overwhelmed by them. They said exactly everything I needed my parents to say to me. They gave me courage and strength to step out into the unknown with a dance in my feet, a smile in my heart, and a song on my lips. My mother wrote: "Oh, what an adventure lies before you!" And it has been quite the adventure.
Freshman year of college has come and is almost gone. I'm leaving those Freshman adventures behind, and I'm at the gate of another year. I'm on the verge of new adventures and new beginnings. It always astounds me how good God is, and how He loves us so much, He loves us so much He even takes care of the stupid little things. The things we really shouldn't stress out about, but we do, 'cause we're human and trusting is hard for us. Things like: I needed to get into a building which was locked, but then a man walking his dog stopped and opened the building for me. I lost my checkbook, only for my sister's friend's friend's friend to find it and it made it's way back to me. I felt like God was laughing at me a little bit, and holding out His hand, and just saying:
"Let go. And trust me. C'mon, just trust me, follow me, and your adventure will unfold before your feet. No need to fret."

"So heart be still!
What need our human life to know
If God hath comprehension?

In all the dizzy strife of things
Both high and low,
God hideth His intention."

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